... By anyone who's willing to argue with me - or debate, I should say - about anything they feel strongly about. For example, I tend to fall for the girls who are happy to turn round and say "No, actually, you're wrong, BECAUSE..." and not back down. This makes me happy, in a strange way. Who, really, wants their life to breeze past in a stunningly routine blur?
So anyway: Welcome to the house of fun. That is to say, my mind. Come on in. Sure the name of the place has at the very least a sarcastic overtone.
You can always tell who your true friends are. There are people - One or two, not excessive amounts - Who will respond to your call instantly, and exactly how you need them to. People who'll drop everything; their plans, hobbies, dates and anything they might be doing or have planned, to be there for you. So: To those precious few people I have who will do that? Thank you, so much from the very bottom of my heart.
And that, I might point out, is a tumultuous place to venture these days.
So, I've been thinking about the phenomenon of Déja Vu recently... I was on facebook yesterday, chatting to Danny about things, and he said something and I had that split-second sensation of falling backwards, that massive self-doubt of "have I been here before??". And it triggered the following thoughts.
Firstly, I think it would pay to bear in mind that I am not what you'd describe as credulous. I am, in fact, what many people are happy to describe as "cynical". I don't mind this; I look at life with an eyebrow raised, I always look for the trick behind the spectacle; the lie behind the "truth" that you desperately wish was reality. ("That greatest of human treasures, which is hope...")
Suffice to say, I don't believe in God (or religion, come to that), or ghosts.
(I do believe in Aliens, however. That is to say, not the little bug-eyed guys of popular culture, but I do think it would be arrogance verging on sheer dumb idiocy to assume that we are the only intelligent, sentient life-forms in the ENTIRE universe; A universe which is, I might add, essentially infinite, to us, and in that infinity, surely the precise conditions which have led us to this point HERE, where we are able to exist and question beyond our mere planet, or infact our galaxy; those same (or similar) conditions must exist elsewhere? Anyway: I digress...)
I got to wondering... Is it possible that Déja Vu is actually us being given a second chance to approach the same situation?
Ok, so I know there is a scientific explanation; I believe it's something to do with one part of your brain operating a millisecond slower than the other, but still... Have a little romance in your soul, and consider my musing. Wouldn't it be nice to believe that?
I always say, and maintain, that you should never regret a decision; since it shapes the person you are, but you know... There's times where you can see the you that would have happened, had you said something else, or not said anything at all.
"Get upset when I call you on your telephone, but that wouldn't be appropriate; 'cause it's been 7 months and you've been moving on; lately I've been getting upset a lot, but no-one really understands how bad I get so, if we've got each other... But not anymore."
I think it's time that I took the advice of two of the most genuine, lovely people I've ever had the pleasure to know, Katie and Nikki, and stop being so "nice".
I've just spoken to my oldest friend, Leah. Interestingly, she told me (in short) that I give too much of myself to people. She's in a position to know! But I completely agree with her... I've also been told recently that I have a "superhero complex", by which they meant that I always go for people with problems, because I want to help them out, even if that comes at my own expense. That, as well, is quite worryingly accurate.
So, what next? I'd love to say that I'm going to take this advice on board, and become more selfish and assertive, but I think that by now, it's going to be hard to go against my essential character traits: it's not going to be so easy. I'll give it a go, anyway.
(If anyone wants to point me in the direction of a rock chick who has some unresolved issues in her life, then feel free. I want to BE there for someone, now...)
I've had an awful lot of people giving me the whole "It's her loss, you're a fantastic guy, etc" speech. Not that I don't appreciate the attempt to cheer me up, but if that was true, I wouldn't be in this position, surely?
I'm not looking for more speeches or reassurances. I know I'm not a twat, I just also don't think I'm this "fantastic guy". *shrugs*
Anyhoo...
Things are well and truly fluffed. I THINK.
I don't want to ask. I just have a gut feeling. And, as I'm constantly reminded, "[I'm] never wrong."
TALK TO ME.
Au revoir, everybody...
Tet x
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